A little frustrated

A little bit ago I get a call from the doctors office, confirming my 1st prenatal appt for Monday. I said ummm blood work came back Negative?!? She said oh Im sorry they didn't tell me. I said so I wont be needing this appt I figured it would of been canceled after blood work. I kinda feel like the whole situation was rubbed in more. I would rather not think about the what if's. I want to focus on this cycle.

I called and set up my delivery date for my swim team for next week. Things fell right into place. Quarantine was partially released. I was able to get exactly what I needed for this cycle being J will only be home for 1 insem. It was perfect! A little diff then last cycle but I think an improvement! Very excited to have next week here! :)

EDITED TO ADD: That women called for a total of 3 times today not realizing she had already talked to me? still wanting to remind me of my appt. She apologized by saying I'm not normally this ditsy. Great. I have faith in docs here... can you tell? Ok come on box!

thoughts before bed

I have been doing a whole lot of ebay listing today.... its been a long day lol but much needed. This evening while I was sorting out baby and adult clothing and preparing to list, my mom walked by and said Im suprised you are not keeping that (it was a cute baby boy outfit) and I looked at her confused for a second. I said why? then she looked at my confused lol. I dont know if we will have a boy or girl so I am not hoarding clothing that I may not end up using. She kinda laughed and said so save one of each then. Women what are you thinking?? one of each? I said I hope you are emplying keep both and get rid of which you dont end up needing, and not that I need boy and girl clothing. She laughed again (I am a twin) yes thats what I mean. I have told myself a 1,000 times no don't buy or save clothing for baby to be... just wait. Now my mom who hasn't been 100% open minded is telling me to start collecting. Guest you would have to know her to get the whole picture. Little does she know what I do already have :)... gosh I hate wishy washy! If you are going to be supportive then great stay that way if not then keep your mouth quiet. Nonetheless things continue as planned.... looking forward to next week when swim team arrives..... yeah! ANNNNDDDD Its just about summer now, perfect time to have a swim team swim! Yes Im a dork.... why am I not in bed again??? This is why I am not a morning person! Im sooo great at rambling for myself hehehe... heck dont even think I will spell check this tonight

Fun stuff for the week :)

AF arrived on Monday, an entire week early. But with the whacky hormones left over from the previous try and all that, I really was happy to comply lol. I will be calling today to set up shipping date for my swimmers to arrive next Friday!! Crazy already! I am so very very excited to move forward and feel so positive about this month. I cannot wait to see another +!!

On another note- yesterday the cutest chicks hatched! They are some fancys this time that I will be raising for my own flock! They are silver laced polish crested chicks with the frizzle (curly feathered) genes... it will be a bit before we know if they will show the curly or not. I am over the moon about them! The last of the ducklings go home next week. I am keeping the crested duck that hatched the same day as our last last insems.... its my lucky duck even if last time didn't work out, this time it will! Come on March baby (wow seems like just yesterday I was trying for another Oct baby :) goes to show you mother nature has her own plans!

Well on to month #4

Lab results confirmed part of what I knew. Its negative meaning the level came back at 1 (anything less then 5 is negative) I had prepared myself for this, I just knew it wasn't gonna work out. It was a chemical pregnancy. I was told 60% of pregnancies end this way and most women never even know. I wouldn't of if I didn't test a week after period SHOWED. If feel it was meant to be seen. I have more hope now then ever that this is going to work eventually. What a relief its not ectopic or worse. However although I never allowed myself to get excited over being pregnant, I do feel bummed that this month wasn't my time. I ended up taking a month off figuring all this out, and now ready to move onto the next cycle. I am thankful for everything I have. Things play out the way they are meant to be. month #3 wasn't one of them. I will move forward as planned will more hope then ever that soon I will be pregnant with a viable pregnancy.

Just in case you didn't know I love waiting

I am suppose to hear back on lab results... well not the entire picture but part of it anyway. To be honest not sure I want to hear back. I have only allowed myself to get excited over the fact swimmers did there job, I refused from the moment I took a + test to get excited over being pregnant. I gotta admit, sitting in the waiting room sucked. Surrounded by all these beautiful huge pregnant women was a downer. While sitting and waiting for the little old women who came in for blood work to the wrong place to get done, the tv ran an informative dvd.... they were talking about infertility, using donor sperm etc. It was entertaining however I would much rather be one of those women that were huge pregnant (I know I'm going to get more then I ask for, and regret saying that one day lol) The lab tech who was very knowledgeable and so kind, asked me if I was pregnant. I simply replied well whats your sheet say this test is for? I kinda laughed annoyed at the question, she then asked well do you feel pregnant? Again being annoyed chuckled. I want things simple please. If I am carrying a viable pregnancy wonderful! If not, I would like to keep moving forward. I want answers. I'm tired of waiting. I am hoping for this HUGE beta result or zero... mother nature please don't give me anything between. Please.....

Bloodwork and more bloodwork

Last round of bloodwork is Friday morning, should know more then. They are testing my betas.... to be sure the number increases like it should. And will go from there. This morning I spilled the beans to my mom as she started to walk out the door for work, because Jeff had told her I had a doc appt! That was interesting. She said you didnt tell, I didnt know you were trying, I said becuase I didnt want to get yelled at... I know you havent always said the most supportive comments to me about this. She denied and that of course. She said a few reassuring words and Im sure she will have more to say after work. I think she realised if she didnt have something suppotive to say dont say anything. Im sure she was bothered by the fact I never told her we were trying. She doesnt know details and never will LOL. But now the cat is out of the bag. I am relieved to say the least even if she does suport us she isnt going to say anything negative.

Things got moved up

After some spotting (remember I did have a period this month!) I called the docter who asked me to come in right away for bloodwork- then 2 days later for a repeat. Not much was said over the phone. I know one of the things they are checking for is hormone levels rising. I should know more by Friday. If things dont work out we will just move on, if they do then even better! I only have 1 fear right now which I wont mention as I dont want to jinx it. But as long as I am ok... everything will be fine. Ill update when I know more.